The sixth love langauge
When we think about love, we often believe that we must act or make external efforts to show it to others, so that they can notice and receive it. One example of this is the famous “five love languages”: gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. Whether it is explicit or subtle, we usually have to change something directly in the person we love. However, it was within the bustling nightclub that I discovered an alternative perspective. Love, it revealed to me, can also be found within the confines of silence or even retreat, diverging from the observable and immersing itself in non-doing.
After the breakup, I felt an immense tide of energy that needed to be released from my daily life. Shaking it off through writing, screaming, and venting to people wasn’t enough, so I went clubbing with my friends.
That morning, I received a text from my ex, saying “😮💨 Thank you, hope you have recovered a little bit!” Though this message might mean the best, it stirred complex emotions in me. I felt triggered and torn down, feeling utterly defeated by the sight of the message.
During that night of clubbing, we danced on the pole with other naked gay men, drinking shots and celebrating the electrifying energy of the night. I was half drunk, feeling like letting go of my rational self. Fueled by the intoxicating alcohol, a desire to unleash myself gripped me. The allure of sending texts with whatever funny, sarcastic, or attention-seeking message became irresistible. I told myself, “I’m drunk, and I don’t need to be good anymore.” Trust me, before that, I was already annoyed that I wouldn’t be interested in anyone tonight because I’m not over this person yet.
As I retrieved my phone from my pocket, ready to tap on the familiar green of iMessage and craft something nonsensical without feeling responsible, a voice whispered in my ear: “No, you don’t want to hurt her.” I didn’t anticipate this voice from within myself. It was as if an automatic mechanism within my brain had been activated. I felt as though a translucent, soft curtain had been drawn between me and my phone, shielding me from impulsive actions. I wasn’t sober, but a strange instinct washed over me. I put my phone back in my pocket without resistance.
I sat on the couch surrounded by my drunken dancing friends, unable to comprehend my own reaction. I didn’t feel forced, I didn’t feel angry, I just felt like… me, unfiltered and true to who I am as a person.
Before me stood a girl who owns a reservoir of boundless love. In her presence, a floodgate was unleashed, and all of my love welled up without me even knowing it could be there. My love was protective, seeking to shield not only myself but others as well, through the gentle power of non-action. Even a broken heart cannot tarnish the purity of this love. I felt peace, ease, and happiness when I was in that state, even though our lives are no longer intertwined. Days passed, and yet the waves of this love persisted till today.
You might ask me, “Even though you have so much love, what if your ex has moved on so fast that there isn’t any love from their side?” I also asked myself similarly, but it was the wrong question to ask. I came to realize the independence of my love regardless of how other people feel or what state they are in. No matter if they are happy, sad, angry, or indifferent, my love is inside me. It is reflected in how I interact with the world and how I treat others. Even though it may or may not be reciprocated, it is still a part of me and inside me.
Although my ex will never know this side of my story, I see the power of love in not taking any action. Perhaps it is a greater demonstration of love than cuddling or giving direct words of affirmation in their presence.
I often thought breakups may seem to be a lonely process that you must go through on your own, but now I see it as a manifestation and continuation of love. What is grief if not love persevering? Even though people may depart from my life, I still discover the reservoir of love that resides within me — a love that may choose silence as its outward expression, yet resonates powerfully within.
This is the 11th post from my 30-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. He overcame the fear of creation through mass-producing blogs and eventually found his own niche audiences.
