Be with those you want to grow with

During my trip to New York, I reconnected with many friends — some I hadn’t seen in 2–3 years, and others in nearly seven. It felt like my life over the past seven years was unfolding in front of me through these encounters, and from them, I realized just how much I’ve grown.

“You’ve become so much more mature,” Friend A remarked after we met again following two years apart. She had changed too. She wasn’t the same dramatic and gossipy person who had once been stuck in a toxic friend group. Work had taught her a lot. As a therapist, she now observed people with a keen eye and a sprinkle of empathy instead of judgment. I watched her, amazed at the transformation life had brought her. She worked tirelessly from Monday to Sunday, pursuing her passion and crafting a new version of herself.

In contrast, I also met Friend B, someone I used to find incredibly h.o.t. Yet, over time, she hadn’t really changed. She still seemed lost, using endless studies as a way to delay confronting her life’s purpose while indulging in fxxking around. What once might have seemed cool and hot in our youth now felt outdated — like an old desktop PC in a room full of Macs. In an instant, I knew I had lost interest.

Navigating careers, finances, relationships, and living in the real world feels incredibly hard, and I’ve seen many former classmates retreat into terrible jobs, unhealthy relationships, or new degrees to “solve their problems.” Even though it’s been over a year since I graduated, I still feel uncomfortable every day. I understand their choices, but I aspire to be more like Friend A.

I’ve come to realize that the people I naturally gravitate toward are those who can accommodate my growth, and that means they’re growing too. It’s not that those I’ve drifted away from are incapable; it’s just that their pace and direction differ from mine. I’ve kept moving forward, with a growing sense of confidence and clarity about where I want to go.

Though this past year, surviving in a foreign country has felt like a constant struggle — fearing I’d fall, get kicked out, or end up homeless in an unstable industry — I can see now that my persistence is starting to pay off. I’ve accelerated into a new version of myself, far removed from the Esther they used to know, and I’m amazed at how much I’ve changed.

Staying with people who don’t grow with me feels like trying to squeeze into shoes that no longer fit or being in an orchestra where someone keeps missing the beat. I want to surround myself with those whose thoughts inspire me, whose maturity attracts me, and whose clear sense of direction grounds me — those who rise to life’s challenges instead of hiding from them.

In the end, I realized my sense of people isn’t defined by our past, whether it was healthy or not. My door is always open to those who have grown. Come with me.

I remade this into an audio movie! The voice is sooooo good! (Made with The Possible)