Can kindness be sexy?

I used to feel confused when people thought I was attractive. It’s not because I have low confidence; I love myself and know that people love me too. It’s also not because of my past experiences; I’ve attracted both men and women. I’m pretty sure I rank high in attractiveness to Asian gay girls, and Argentinian boys and girls have asked me on dates and told me I’m cute and hot. Strangers ask for my contact on the street.

Despite this, I don’t particularly find myself attractive. The wholesome energy I give out seems to be quite contradictory to how society defines “attractiveness” or “sexy.” Sexy often implies being slutty, bad, or sensual, and it’s quite apparent that is not the energy I carry.

However, my perception began to change after attending many house parties. I used to be very social and talk to everyone, but now I’m more selective because I get lazy. I choose people based on their energy(or a biased first impression), and I’ve realized that the energy that attracts me the most is kindness and fuzziness. It’s hard to describe, but kindness and fuzziness make me feel at ease and safe when I enter a conversation. I have an urge to be close to and get to know people, not just stemming from romantic interests, but who they are.

These people may not be the most talkative or funny, but I still feel they have a reliable, loving, and kind energy. I prefer to be friends with them rather than the conversational star of the room. I now start to understand why people find wholesome people attractive; everyone wants to be close to a safe, genuine, and loving space. It might not be traditionally sexually attractive, but it has its own charm.

This is the 49th post from my 60-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. If you want to get an email notification for my post, feel free to subscribe to my substack: here.