Herpes in my life
Since last Saturday, I’ve been plagued by a cold sore on my lips. A cold sore, aka herpes, usually appears when you kiss someone or have oral sex with someone who is sick. But I didn’t do any of that.
When I looked at the blister on my lip, I felt extremely annoyed — not only by the pain, but by the fact that this herpes appeared out of nowhere. NOWHERE! Because if I kiss someone or have oral sex and get it, at least I had it! Why did I get the worst of both worlds? No make-out, but herpes anyway! I went around questioning everyone who might have passed this herpes to me, but couldn’t find anyone.
I started to wonder if there was some curse, like someone kissed or had sex with me in their dreams. Maybe their desire was heard by God, and God decided to pass on their wishes to me as a notification. That’s even worse! They didn’t even ask for my consent first? I feel cheated — (or maybe FOMO, if they’re hot??).
I couldn’t really eat with my left side, and I was so worried about the herpes that I decided to meditate on it. Strangely, an intuition told me that the herpes came from a place of love. Well… I don’t know if that’s true, but it still feels better than thinking someone kissed me without my consent, so I decided to roll with it.
After that, I started saying “Good morning” to her (my herpes) whenever I woke up and saw her in the mirror. Whenever the herpes hurt again, instead of panicking and stressing out, I thought, “Well… if it comes from a place of love, someone must be missing me.”
Now, it’s getting bigger, but I’m not rushing her out of my life. If she comes from a place of love, why would I want to rush her away? It’s fine. You can stay a little longer if you insist. So, I wore a mask to my dance class and told everyone I wasn’t sick, just ugly, so I had to wear it. People laughed.
Cold sores go through five stages: tingling, blister formation, weeping, crusting, and healing. I think I’m in the crusting stage, where the fluid dries up and forms a big yellowish-red crust on my lip. It’s not beautiful, but it’s a natural transition. I think emotional herpes works the same way. When we’re hurt by someone, the blister itches, stings, and bleeds, but then it starts to scab over. Of course, it doesn’t look pretty, but it’s just part of the process. Our bodies get sick sometimes, and so do our minds and hearts. It’s okay to be sick.
The funniest thing is that little Esther’s brain generates so many entertaining thoughts about sickness in her life. But hhh (coughing sound), if you really miss me, have issues with me, or kissed me in your dreams, can you please confess to me? I promise I won’t bring a chainsaw to your town, sneak into your house, and give you a wonderful ending to your life.
