Of course life is RIDICULOUS
I watched our dance teacher from across the hall, rehearsing the sequence before class. “1, 2, 3, 4,” his voice echoed through the air. Without other dancers around, the scene felt like an unreal, empty drama. Then again, isn’t life itself just a show?
A show where I feel pain when I’m supposed to, worry in the context of my own life. Am I really feeling it, or am I just a skilled actor in this cosmic production, playing out a script written in my genetic code millions of years ago?
Sometimes, it’s hard to grasp how pain, relief, peace, happiness, anxiety, fear, and freedom can all coexist within me, swirling around a single event. Life makes sense sometimes, but most of the time, it doesn’t.
My friend laughed. “Of course! Life is RIDICULOUS! Can you imagine? Some of us are struggling to find any job, while a Swiss oligarch funded a company for three years as a ‘pet project,’ doing absolutely nothing.”
“And another classmate? They’re now running a whole team for some random rich person’s wife — because her husband is too rich and doesn’t know how to spend his money!”
Here I am, meant to complain, meant to enjoy life. But sometimes, when I get caught up in watching this show, I forget to play my part.
I flinched watching them in a movie write intimate love letters to each other. I turned off this channel in my mind. “Differentiate imagination from reality,” I reminded myself. But maybe it doesn’t matter. Humanity has always been fueled by inflicting imagination about the past and the future. It will not be the first time, nor the last time. Pain is an old friend. Once, I used to shiver at the corner when it visited, but these days, I offer it a cup of tea.
That familiar tightening in my gut pulls me back to the present. I can’t truly see the wind in the trees or smell the ocean on my normal days, but in moments like this, the intensity of presence frees me. I focus entirely on the experience, and in its strange way, it cleanses me. I find peace inwards as it's the only sensation I focus on. But ultimately, none of this really matters. Life is just a series of stories to tell.
Maybe the secret is in adding a dash of pain, doing what’s necessary, and then letting go of the rest. Surrendering to the uncontrollable feels like the most intimate sex with the teaching of life. So here I am, letting go of all my need for control and embracing whatever life offers me with a simple, yes.
