Slaughtered by reality
To work for my passion, the path I choose is hard.
Last week, when I asked our founder if I’m continuing the work, he said I did great. But we don’t have much runway, and the startup needs to grow. We bet all the money on influencer campaigns this month. If things go viral, we can raise more and be in a great position. But if it doesn’t, we are in a worse place. The company will have a big restructuring, and, aka, I will need to leave. We’ll see the end of my story in the next two weeks.
Early-stage startups come with a lot of big bets and suffering. Companies in our incubators are often “pivoting” (aka this idea doesn’t work, and they run out of money), and it’s really hard and unstable. Our neighboring company just lost 50% of their employees and needs to lay off more in a week. It’s not only about money; when everything is collapsing around you, it’s a lot of emotional stress too.
I was like fxxk. I have worked so hard to get here.
To work on learning-related problems in the US and build my network for the future, I grinded through being fired, powered through jobless periods, borrowed money, downgraded my house, and slept on the floor next to my suitcase just to make ends meet while working on my passion. Now, I have finally found pleasant teammates and a learning product I can work on. And now, the reality is fxxking saying,
You must be kidding me.
Sometimes I feel jealous of how comfortable my peers are around me. They have regular 40-hour-a-week jobs, go on dates, and hang out with friends in the evenings and weekends, with decent salaries and comfortable homes. In contrast, I work so, so, so hard every day because I know if I don’t, my vision will quickly get slaughtered by reality. So comfort isn’t an option.
Failing and starting things over and over again is a regular lifestyle for founders, even though I don’t even feel qualified to be a founder yet. But the path I’m actively choosing has already determined the lifestyle I’m in. Education is a hard industry to break into, a hard industry to make money in, especially when I don’t want to conform to the traditional system that learning is situated in. And it’s hard enough that no one has really been able to change it, so I have to.
I feel like crying. My close friend from college also just decided to close down her edtech startup. Before, we could share how hard life is while pursuing our passions. Now, I feel so lonely on my path.
This entire week I’ve been bombarded by moving houses, living on the floor like a homeless, and finding and transporting affordable furniture for my house when I’m not working. This challenge hasn’t ended yet, but the next challenge is already waiting around the corner. And I hate it. I hate being in so much chaos, but I think I hate giving up even more.
I guess we’ll see if reality chokes me first or if I slaughter it first. The game hasn’t ended yet. We shall see.
