The 2021 Reflection

What do I learn this year? Confirm pragmatism and explore drivenness

I need to connect with pragmatic and driven people. They motivate me every day, no matter by living with them or learning with them. They give me confidence and a positive outlook on my life, so I can not only feel stable but achieve far and beyond. The most important thing isn’t that I need them, but I know they are with me. The fact that “I know” already gives me enough strength to look at my fear.

In Seoul, I live alone. I am sustainable but I also don’t feel connected living with people who struggle with daily matters. They aren’t who I’m looking for.

During summer, I hang on animes to get my positive energy with my internship colleagues. I realize a naive positivity isn’t unrealistic and stupid, but energy that gives you belief to start the change, and happiness to start the change.

In Berlin, I feel at home. I have some God statues in my life. They commit no matter what’s the weather out there. They have no doubts about what they are doing, even it means they need to wake up at 5 am every day. If they aren’t sure what they want, they test their hypothesis, even it might fail in every way, fail for the results and falsify the hypothesis. They make a plan and still go for it. I see that they don’t back off when things go wrong (e.g. Fuong’s teammate leave).

I remember the time I feel confused about who I wanted to be with. I’m attracted to whoever gives me intellectual stimulation, but that’s far from enough.

“What are the common traits of the people I surround myself with that I really love?” Driven.

They are the foundation of me. They make me feel grounded, strong, and courageous. People cannot commit when they get distracted, feel lazy, or see the danger. I want driven people because I know they won’t shy away when one of us has problems someday. But a funny thing is that driven people already manage their problems pretty well because they are determined to tackle them.

I love those who have a vision, embrace a positive outlook, and commit to daily practices.

What does pragmatism give me this year?

• Internship in Meta: Thanks to 30 days coding challenge and Professional Development with Fuong
• DS4A woman program with Masters and PhDs: Strategize so I achieve what seems to be out of my league.
• CS110 Teaching assistant: Gradually not only overcome my all-the-time fear of algorithms, even become its teaching assistant.
• Professional Development with Fuong: Development for job search strategy and investigation of our career interests
• Jog: Casually run from 3 km(Seoul) to 6km(Berlin) with Ariane

Looking back, I feel rewarded, and I also see that they all stem from consistent practice(at least weekly). Besides, I feel proud that they are most self-initiated, not coming from external motivation.

For some relationships, though I don’t see much improvement yet and new challenges are coming, I will keep trying.

What do I want next year?

Stay connected with driven friends and find more of them. I once pulled out the list of schoolmates to find potential candidates, but there aren’t that many. Since none of my driven friends are staying with me next semester, I’m looking for more of them.

Try learning new things with a driven mindset. I haven’t decided on what I want to learn, but I want to practice if I commit more, how much growth I can see in myself?