What does focus mean for me?

Focus results from prioritization, and prioritization requires sacrifice.

I realized I don’t care as much about relationships when a friend asked me to hang out one-on-one, but I found it uninteresting. This wasn’t just true for that friend but for everyone. They argued that one-on-one is the best way to get to know a person, but I found no appeal in getting to know anyone. In short, I was uninterested in human relationships in general at this point.

This wasn’t the first time I was in this paradigm. After my first breakup, I avoided contact with people as much as possible. It wasn’t because I was traumatized by humans, but because I was solely focused on “building me.” Any form of relationship, especially an intimate one, was considered a distraction because they had the potential to exercise more power over me. Besides, I had very high expectations for what my relationships should look like, and meeting those expectations was demanding and distracting from my relationship with myself. As a result, I learned to set personal space and boundaries, enabling me to build myself and determine who I want to be.

These days, I felt similar. I seldom reach out and hang out with friends in the city. I found social gatherings overwhelming because I couldn’t see a reason why. Compared to my housemate who overworked and became grumpy, I grounded myself through personal time and space. I want to give myself space to grow. Hence, I temporarily sacrifice.

This is the 37th post from my 60-day writing challenges. I was inspired by Tung Nguyen, a friend who is a famous blogger. He overcame the fear of creation through mass-producing blogs and eventually found his own niche audiences.