What I’ve learned in Fall 2022 Argentina

This semester, I tried to standardize my reflection process. Here, I organized all my “Three things I learned” sections in this post. All in all, it seems that I’ve learned the most about dating, which is what I’m trying to learn since this summer in SF.

Work

• Write out my capstone really helps me to understand my problems and organize my thoughts (Write in a technical way and aim to present to medium readers)
• When I’m in wework environment (no social media), I can really focus on my work, even when my mental mindset is unsettled with excitement. A constructed and separated work environment helps me with deep work.

Career

• My career search isn’t that scary, and I actually have lots of connections and friends to start with this year.
• The key to career development is not to get a job (what I can do), but really think about what I want to do in the next few years.
• For my future career, thinking of the vision myself is so much better than industries and positions. What has been missing is the connection between global and local maximum for me.

Self

• Detaching from the world helps me so much with gaining agency. I realize most of the things are just part of myself. It’s part of only.
• Though jobs, work, and relationships matter, there are still many possibilities in life and things I want to explore. I have so many things I want to learn and experience in the world.

Dating

• Multiple intentions (country information interviews) work much better for dating rather than finding true love.
• When facing attraction or desire, I describe it as a state rather than a “crush” or “being in love.” I noticed that I developed desire through my own storytelling and pondering thoughts than the actual interaction. It’s similar to what Jade said, sex is all in mind, a mind of desire.
• I learn that I don’t want to be attractive, I want to be loved, and I’m already loved. Being attractive feels nice, but only for 3 seconds.
• When I love myself first, I learn that all my feelings, anxiety, and impulses related to dating disappear, and I’m grounded again. When I feel loved by people (yoga teacher, bd, Ha), I want to love myself more and I don’t want to let myself overwork, be over-attached, and over-anxious.
• I remember when I’m in an ambiguous relationship with S, and felt extremely anxious when she doesn’t respond or was uncommunicative, I blame myself. But nowadays, I can clearly identify what’s good and what’s not. And I know what I want and what I don’t want. I realize I have established enough philosophy to articulate my thoughts. I know when I have good and active communication. I love my clarity and growth.
• I realize most of my decision and actions related to dating (e.g. wanting to be good at kissing) is not about my date but more about me. About who I want to be, and who I am already.
• I realize 戀愛 really exists in the world. Even if it is a healthy relationship (not always with burning desire), I still really love it. I love the peace, the grateful feelings, and the pure love from both sides. Thanks for loving me.
• I can feel safe and relieved in the relationship. I don’t know the ability to be dependent and be loved feel like this (slow, happy, fuzzy daily warmth).
• Sometimes, we need to handle emotions (Desire, Anxiety, Expectation) more not the target person.
• Viewing dating from a learning angle might be the most suitable for me. I feel unmotivated to go on dates if the learning aspect is missing. Approaching dating in a learning mindset allows experiments and growth even from negative experiences. Being with friends like Jade constantly reminds me of the learning aspects.
• Town hall meeting for my romantic life is something I want to carry on in my future dating life. First, I want to get agreements and support on my dates from my friends. Second, they know me so well that they can ask good questions and see my blind spots. Our collective decisions help me feel confident in my romantic life. The willingness of sharing it openly, also indicates that I probably pick the right person.

I remembered I once asked Eugene, “Why my romantic life is always so rocky?” He said, “Because we all spent most of our time working on our career and work but not on practicing dating.” I’m happy that I’m willing to spend some time pausing my work life and learning about my romantic life.